Sometimes I come across a phrase that stops me in my tracks. It’s a phrase I find startling, intriguing, seemingly contradictory, but definitely worth pondering. One such phrase came from Pope Francis when, in 2017, he made a surprise appearance at a TED conference and called for a “revolution of tenderness.” He cited Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan to illustrate the type of tenderness he was talking about.
Pope Francis said our contemporary technological and consumerist culture leaves behind “thousands of human beings, or entire populations, on the side of the road.” He exclaimed, “How wonderful would it be, while we discover faraway planets, to rediscover the needs of the brothers and sisters orbiting around us.” He added, “And what is tenderness? It is the LOVE that COMES CLOSE and BECOMES REAL. It is a movement that starts from our HEART and reaches the EYES, the EARS, and the HANDS.” He added, “Tenderness is not weakness, it is fortitude.”
These words raised a couple of questions for me: How can I join this revolution of tenderness? What small, daily things can I do to follow the example of that Good Samaritan whose love was close and real? Here are a few suggestions focused on those four words heart, eyes, ears, hands.
Heart: We can nourish tenderness within ourselves by fighting against the natural tendency to shield ourselves from pain and sorrow, to run away from all “bad news,” or to harden our hearts to the suffering of others. Instead, we can intentionally and regularly expose ourselves to things, people, and experiences that tend to arouse our tenderness: holding an infant, playing with a child, caring for a garden, doing a small favor for someone, baking a special dessert, helping an elderly neighbor, playing with our cat or dog, watching a movie that might bring tears to our eyes, or listening to music that feeds our “softer side.”
Eyes: We can look into people’s eyes when we’re talking with them–people such as the check-out clerk, the receptionist, the security worker, the person who takes our order at the fast food place, the person cleaning the public restroom–or anyone else who is “orbiting around us.” Every day we can look for people around us doing a good, right, or generous thing. We can intentionally watch or read the news to expose ourselves to what is happening in the larger world–even the heart-wrenching stories we might prefer to avoid.
Ears. We can practice the art of really listening to the people we encounter in an ordinary day: our spouse and family members, our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends, our boss, the people we are “in charge of,” the people who may be “in charge” of us, the priest giving his homily, the clients we serve, the child who keeps asking questions, the person we find annoying or hard to listen to. As I’ve quoted before, listening is so much like loving, it is hard to tell the difference.
Hands. We can take an inventory of what we do with our hands on a typical day. Do we “lend a hand” to someone? Do we open a door for someone or hold a door open for the person behind us? Do we offer to carry something for someone who is struggling? Do we wave to a neighbor? Do we type an email to a congress member about an issue we feel passionate about? Do we cook supper, care for a child, wipe away the tears of someone who mourns, hold the hand of someone who is afraid, crochet baby blankets or prayer shawls for people we’ll never meet, serve a meal at a welcome center, coach a kids soccer team, fold our hands in prayer everyday for our brothers and sisters in need?
One psychologist said that the true hallmark of human maturity is tenderness. Would that more of us all over the world would join in this revolution of tenderness, a revolution of small daily acts of love that “come close and become real.”
For reflection:
What are some of the things, people, or experiences that help to arouse tenderness within you?
Do you remember being the recipient of the tenderness of another person–a parent, grandparent, teacher, coach, priest, friend, stranger? What effect did their tenderness have on you?
Who helped teach you to be tender? How did they help you?
Some people say tenderness is a “feminine virtue.” To what extent do you agree or disagree–and why?
What are some of the stories in the gospel that show the tenderness of Jesus?
PS: Once again I ask your prayers for a retreat I will be leading at the Shrine of Our Lady of Snows in Belleville, IL from July 13-19. I will let the participants know that you are praying for their retreat. Thank you very much!
Our song for today is a “classic revival hymn” called “Softly and Tenderly Jesus Is Calling.” It was written by Will Thompson in 1880. Thompson was a composer who studied at Mt. Union College in Alliance, Ohio as well as in Boston and Germany. This song is one of the most widely translated and sung songs in the Christian tradition. It was sung at Martin Luther King’s funeral and was recorded by many popular artists such as Johnny Cash, Reba McEntire, Amy Grant, Alan Jackson, and Kelly Clarkston. Thompson said he based the song on the parable of the Prodigal Son. Jesus, like the father in the parable, is watching and waiting for his wayward son to return. The father tenderly pleads, “Ye who are weary come home.” Here the song is sung by the Altar of Praise Chorale. Lois, to whom the video is dedicated, is the ill mother of a reader of the blog by the video producer, SE Samonte.
I invite you to share some of your thoughts with us below. I LOVE hearing from you!
15 Responses
Good morning, Melannie…
Good morning, all…
What beautiful words! I believe it was George H.W. Bush, who in a speech coined the expression, “thousand points of light.” To amend that phrase just a bit, perhaps we should devote our lives to achieving a thousand acts of tenderness. On a personal note, after my groceries have been scanned by the cashier, I try to make it a point to thank that person. But then one day I realized I was never thanking the bagger. So now I thank them both.
Yes, there are many young men today who think tenderness is a feminine virtue, something of the heart, not the head, and are being urged to resist this feeling. They must be the “breadwinner,” which might mean being ruthless, because it is up to them to “feed their family.” If only these young men would eschew the influencers in “manosphere,” and accept the tender embrace of that other influencer — Jesus!
Absolutely beautiful. What a coincidence….the song “Earnestly, Tenderly, Jesus is calling” was the featured song last night on cable TV on the program “where did the song come from”. I wonder if we had not better pay attention to the words: “come home, come home, you who are weary come home”. Jesus is calling.
Blessings, Father John
Lots of experiences of tenderness. The first one I remember is being on my grandma’s lap while she gently jiggled me up and down singing a Dutch folk song song. That’s the first thing I’d ask her to do when we visited her 🥰
What a beautiful way to start my day with this beautiful message of tenderness. My mother, Alice, who went home to our Lord in 2000, taught me tenderness and the Golden Rule. Please, thank-you and kind words were instilled in me from an early age. I passed that on to my children who have families of their own today. My goal every day is to be kind, helpful, to others and Love-Love is always the answer. Thy will be done.
So much food for thought as we start a new week. During our heat wave last week, a neighbor in town texted to see if I was staying cool and if I needed anything. That gesture touched my heart. In my travels to the next town, I pass a house with this sign on the lawn: Make America Kind Again! If we each did even one act of kindness every day, what a wonderful gift that would be.
Thank you Sr. Melannie for so many suggestions of ways we can show tenderness and kindness. I pray each morning to reach out to others with joy and kindness and a positive spirit.
Beautiful! As I look back over my years I have experienced so much tenderness and loving care. Grateful and always striving to pass it on!
Thank you, Melannie. What a beautiful reflection and one we would do well to ponder and live. Blessings on your day.
Good morning, Melanie. I am so excited to learn our Pope did a Ted Talk. The tenderness message that you shared is appropriate for me. I wish to show tenderness to my son for a serious situation. Ray is struggling with severe depression, prolonged grief over the loss of his father, and substance abuse. It’s so much for him to carry. There is hope; he’s getting help. However his wife asked him to leave until he’s better. I understand why and support her, as children are involved. Now I’ve made the decision to have him stay at my home. He’s not a danger to anyone, just himself. I know he needs tenderness, too. He’s feeling very alone living at an Air BnB. I feel afraid only because I don’t know what boundaries to set or now how to stick with them. I will continue to read your reflection and listen to the music. All of this is scary for me. God bless you and thank you for your tenderness.
Wonderful reminders, Melannie. There are so many opportunities for kindness/tenderness in our lives. If only we could open our eyes to them! Thank you.
I’ve been blessed to experience acts of tenderness throughout my life starting at home with very loving and tender parents, especially my father.
I recently was graced by an act of tenderness from an acquaintance at church . We were chatting while leaving Mass Friday morning when she gently stopped me saying “wait your shoe is untied”. Then stooped down and tied my shoe so I wouldn’t trip. It was a Jesus washing my feet sort of moment.
I make a point of expressing a thank you to anyone who has done an act of service for me, cashiers, bank tellers, medical personnel etc. I’d like to think they appreciate being seen and acknowledged for what they do every day.
I will pray for you and your retreat participants next week. Thank you for sharing.
Hello, wonderful thought to start our week, thank you.
Tenderness is something little we can show, but often leaves a big impact.
Always great to be reminded to add tender moments to our days.
My favorite hymn❤
Hi to all,
Seeing others is something I’m particularly attuned to these days. A favorite thing I like to do is thank those who are stocking shelves in the supermarket….telling them how much I appreciate their hard work…..the unsung heroes, in many ways…..what a reaction I get….try it sometime! Everyone needs to feel that they have an important place in the world and we each can help them believe it!
Yes, one way to achieve peace in our world is to live kindly…
May it be so…
Mary
In today’s Gospel Jesus took the “official’s” little girl by the hand and she arose, after she was thought to be dead. Holding someone’s hand in comfort and love is an ultimate act of tenderness in my book.
Thank you Sr. Melannie. I will keep you and your “retreatants” in my prayers.
A “revolution of tenderness” is an energetic phrase. I experience tenderness as I greet folks at our parish at the 11am Sunday Mass. God bless!