When I give talks and retreats, I always say, “Hang on to your sense of humor.” Humor helps us to keep things in perspective. It prevents us from taking ourselves too seriously. And it refreshes our spirit. With those thoughts in mind, here are a few items I hope bring a smile to your face.
Said the circus manager to the human cannonball: “You can’t quit! Where will I find another man of your caliber?”
A school boy took home a library book whose cover read “How to Hug”—only to discover that it was volume VII of an encyclopedia.
Medical terminology: Artery: the study of fine paintings. Dilate: to live long. Post-operative: a letter carrier. Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
A four-year-old went with his Dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he excitedly told his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”
Protons have Mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
All I ask for is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Louis was about to start his first job, and his uncle, a successful business man, gave him a word of advice. “The two most important words in business are integrity and wisdom. By integrity I mean that when you promise to deliver goods at a certain time, you do it no matter what, even if it bankrupts you.” “What about the wisdom?” asked Louis. Said his uncle, “Don’t make foolish promises.”
Frank believed that five was his special number. He was born on May 5, he had 5 children and lived at 555 East 55th. At the track on his 55th birthday, he was surprised to find a horse named Numero Cinco running in the fifth race. So 5 minutes before the race, he went to the fifth window and put five thousand dollars on Numero Cinco. Sure enough, the horse came in fifth.
Newspaper ad: “Need co-author for a book on self-reliance.”
Diplomacy: the art of letting someone else have your way.
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors and lawyers call what they do “practice”?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?” One child answered, “Mary.” The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?” Another child said, “Verge.” Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?” The child said, “Well, you know they’re always talking about Verge and Mary.”
A couple who had been married for 50 years sat on a train. A young couple got on and took the seats in front of them. Occasionally the young man leaned over and kissed the young woman. The older woman smiled and whispered to her husband, “You can do that too if you want.” He said indignantly, “Don’t be silly. I don’t even know her.”
Eve was so jealous of Adam that when he came home at night she counted his ribs.
Man: Frankly, I’m not much of a baseball fan. I only go to the ballpark to see how grass is supposed to look.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened!
I’m offering two videos today. The first is a clip from “Comedy Central.” Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele ask: “What if teachers were treated like pro athletes?” This is a spoof of the program Sports Central. Notice the scores along the bottom of the screen. And don’t miss the car commercial at the end featuring not a famous athlete spokesperson, but an English teacher! Please note: I am not promoting the video clips that follow this one. You might find some of the humor and language in those offensive.
We can afford to smile and laugh because we believe we are in the palm of God’s hand. The second video is Michael Joncas’ “On Eagle’s Wings.”
“On Eagle’s Wings”
Is humor an essential part of your faith?
Would you like to share something “light” with us today?
What did you think of the video clip and song?