The Greek Orthodox Church has a fascinating tradition for the Monday after Easter. On this day, the faithful gather to trade jokes with one another. Why? Because they believe the greatest “joke” of all occurred on Easter Sunday: Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. In honor of that venerable tradition, I’m devoting today’s blog to humor. Here goes…
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A will is a dead giveaway.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
When she saw her first strand of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
(Okay, okay… I can hear a few of you groaning… So let’s move on…)
Once you get a certain age, what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
I had my patience tested. It’s negative.
When one door closes and another opens, you are probably in prison.
When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
When you ask me what I’m doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I’m free. It means I am doing nothing.
Sign seen in a veterinarian’s office: The doctor is in. Sit. Stay.
Sign over the scale at a doctor’s office: Pretend it’s your IQ.
I was visiting my daughter and I asked her for the newspaper. “We don’t get a newspaper. We’re saving trees. Here, use my iPad.” I can tell you for sure: that fly never knew what hit him!
Here are three bits of Irish wisdom:
1. Be nice to them on the way up. You might meet them on the way down.
2. Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.
3. Don’t see all you see, don’t hear all you hear.
How about something from the children.
A little girl said to her father after Sunday school, “Our teacher must be Jesus’ grandmother ’cause she talks about him all the time.”
After putting on some weight, a woman told her family she would be wearing a one-piece bathing suit instead of her usual two-piece. Her five-year-old son looked shocked. He asked, “Which piece are you going to wear, Mom?”
As a little boy and his mother were riding down the escalator, he asked, “Mommy, what happens when the basement gets full of steps?”
A pajama clad little girl said to her family, “I’m going to say my prayers now. Anyone want anything?”
A first grade teacher was teaching proverbs. She gave her students the first part of the proverbs and asked them to fill in the second half. Since most of the children were unfamiliar with the proverbs, here’s what they came up with:
Strike while the……. bug is close.
Don’t bite the hand that………. looks dirty.
You can’t teach an old dog new………. math.
The pen is mightier than the………. pigs.
A penny saved is……….. not much.
More wisdom from adults:
Did you ever notice that when you put The and IRS together, it spells “Theirs”?
Employment applications always ask who to call in case of emergency. I always want to write in: “an ambulance.”
Some people try to turn back the odometer. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and not all the roads were paved.
And finally, here’s a short prayer that might apply to some of us: “Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.”
I hope some of these brought a smile to your face. Today you might want to take stock of your sense of humor. If it’s running low, hear God saying to you today, “Lighten up!”
Happy Easter to All!!!
I’ve used this video before, but it’s perfect for today’s message, so I’m posting it again. It’s Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus” made last year, at the beginning of the Covid pandemic, by the families at College Church in Wheaton, IL.
Thanks again for reading “Sunflower Seeds”!
This post made my week! Thanks you for lightening me up and reminding me of the enormous creativity that emerged throughout the pandemic. Blessings!
This was really great and time well spent! Thank you for sharing your clever wit! Good Bless You!