When I use the word prayer, I mean talking to God. And listening to God. In other words, conversing with God. Years ago a friend came up with this definition of prayer which I like very much: Prayer is being with someone I love–and who loves me! With that in mind, here’s one way to look at prayer. (It’s not the only way!) I call this way “8 easy and hard-as-heck steps to prayer.”
1. Get a life. If you’re reading this, you already have a life. Now live your life. Not somebody else’s life. Your life. The life that has been given to you by God. The life God is calling you to grow into. And never cease to be amazed at your own unique gift of life–the privilege, beauty, fun, and mystery of it all!
2. Notice things. What things? As many things as you can notice without being distracted from living your life. Notice the lilies of the field and the weeds in your garden. Notice the birds of the air and the things that walk, crawl, run, slither, hop, scurry, swim, saunter, plod, shuffle, and march on this earth with you. Notice clouds, aromas, sounds, textures. Notice people. Yes, people most of all.
3. Know yourself. Know what makes you happy, sad, angry, excited, hurt, afraid, overwhelmed, ashamed, disgusted, jubilant, bored, anxious, at peace, grateful. All of those feelings can help open the door to prayer, to conversing with God.
4. Care. Find something(s) or someone(s) you really care about and pour out your love, respect, and appreciation upon them. What or whom you care about can change as you grow into becoming the person God is calling you to be–which, by the way, is the person you really want to be. If you can’t find anything or anyone you care about, then repeat steps #1, #2, and #3.
5. Get Lucky. Some people think you have to wait around for Luck to find you. And sometimes that may be true. But you can also make yourself more attractive to Luck. You can cultivate certain qualities in yourself that make Luck (and other people!) want to be with you. Qualities like wonder, pleasantness, eagerness to learn, diligence, patience, integrity, responsibility, flexibility, a sense of humor, and lots and lots of hope. Go where Luck likes to hang out: among people actively engaged in living and caring.
6. Ask Others. Ask others how they pray. Ask a saint, a sinner, a friend, an enemy, an elder, a child. Ask a Catholic, a Protestant, a Jew, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Native American, anyone who believes in God, a Higher Power, The Force. While you’re at it, ask an agnostic, an atheist, and even a liberal and a conservative. And don’t forget to ask God. Ask God often.
7. Be Honest. Remember, you can tell God anything. Don’t self-edit the things you say to God. Say what you really want to say to God. Don’t let too much reverence get in the way of really praying. Remember, you can use all kinds of words with God: simple, flowery, poetic, prosaic, polished, raw. I think God especially likes raw prayer, prayer that comes from our gut. Sometimes NO words are good too. And tears at times (whether joyful or sorrowful) can be a very fine prayer. And be okay with imperfect prayer. The only “bad prayer” (if you want to use that phrase), is to omit step #8.
8. Show up. You will seldom find time for prayer. You must make time for prayer. And be honest (step #7). You make time for the things you believe are important in your life–whether that’s hanging out with family and friends, working hard for a living, filing your tax report, watering your African violets, eating, sleeping, flossing, volunteering to help a friend, or watching your favorite but lousy sports team play another game–because you’re still hopeful that this time, they just might win! And remember, if prayer is engaging in a relationship with God, then let God do some of the work! You can start by saying, “I’m here, God. I showed up. You’ve got to help me with this. Please?”
For reflection: Do you agree with any of these steps? Do you disagree with any of them?
What is your chief struggle with prayer? How do you cope with this struggle?
Did you ever ask others how they pray? If so, whom did you ask? What did you learn from them?
Would you add any other steps to how to pray?
One day, the apostles said to Jesus, “Teach us how to pray.” Jesus’ answer was the Our Father. Our video today is simply a version of Jesus’ beautiful prayer. It’s sung by the University of Notre Dame Newman Center choir:
I invite you to add your comments below for all of us to ponder… and enjoy…
22 Responses
Oh, Sister I love every one of these.
You’ve given me a lot to think about.
I spend a lot of time thanking God for all HE does for me. When I think things aren’t going right, it never fails how HE has worked things out splendidly.
And why I doubt sometimes is beyond me.
Thanks so much for all your blogs.
Good morning, Melannie…
Good morning, all…
Like Sue, “I love every one of these.” The “showing up,” “the asking others — even atheists! — how they pray, the being honest with God, who knows what we are going to say before we say it (Psalm 139). Yikes!
In my own prayer life, I’ve gotten to the point in my daily living — and I have Macrina Wiederkher to thank for this — to see the pauses of each day not as irritations of delay, but as opportunities to pray. If I come to a redlight, I’ll release the wheel and breathe a prayer, if I’m waiting in line somewhere, I’ll look around and ask God to bless us all, if I take a walk, I will be thankful that I get the chance to walk with my Lord in this land of the living.
The Trappist Monk, Michael Casey, says, “prayer is an appointment with God.” Luckily, God’s time is not our time. God’s appointment book always has an opening!
Dear John and Sister Melanie:
Thank you both so much for this insightful post. John, I also thank Sr. Macrina for teaching about the pauses. I miss her so much! Being present in the moment and allowing the Lord to sit with us is a practice which has “saved my bacon” many times. Blessings to you both!
Good morning~I find #5 most intriguing. It’s something I’ve been pondering a good bit of late, as I look around and see so many who aren’t what I would consider lucky. These are friends who can fire if a string of bad luck events that happened from the time they got up to the time they got to work. And it doesn’t seem to stop for them. I often ask myself why am I so lucky, or so blessed. I don’t know the answer but when I’m in that question it reminds me to stop and show gratitude. Do I do as you ask in #8, do I show up with God? Do I show up for them?
Good morning,
Thank you for these, the certainly provoke a lot of thought. Your title is perfect.
I have been trying to notice things more. And to listen I my dedicated prayer time and to focus and refocus after distractions creep in.
I say dedicated prayer time as my morning prayer time, but I talk with God all throughout my day.
Thanks for this thought provoking blog today.
Thank you Sister
What a perfect message to start the day and another year.
I always thought that I did quite well at noticing things. But as I read #2, I was struck by “As many things as you can notice without being distracted from living your life.” I felt convicted of NOT noticing when negative distractions keep me from noticing, from living my life in a truly, grateful way. Noticing the Spirit move in me while reflecting on your blog this morning has challenged me to notice more than weeds in my garden. It has dared me to ponder and question the weeds in my outlook and attitude as well.
Thank you for this hard-as-heck prayer step.
I’d appreciate a link to a version that could be easily printed. I like to have copies of articles such as these to keep handy for a review every once in a while.
Thank you for all of your writings. They have often been so very important to me.
I’m with you on having a copy closeby. I just highlight the article and then right-click to print. Or if you put the cursor on #1 and hit CTRL-A that will highlight it and then right clkick to print
I like ask others. The broad range of folks suggested warms my heart. Meeting a spiriutal director for the first time this week. Hope he has some suggestions too. God bless!
Good morning to all,
Prayer has been something I have been reflecting on and talking about for a few years now. It is so much more than the rote prayers we learned in grade school and so much more than words or being on our knees.
One thing I truly appreciate about being “old”, yes, I am “old”, is the time I have for prayer and reflection, looking for ways to be more present to those I encounter and thus, more present to God.
There are times for contemplative prayer and then a time for active prayer, which is generally most of our day. I call them the “Mary prayer” and the “Martha prayer”……the most beautiful part is that it is all prayer!!
What a great idea to ask those who are of different faith traditions how they pray and why….
Two years before my brother died, when he was diagnosed with a glioblastoma, he began wanting to do group hugs/prayers with everyone……even in the hospital when the doctors/nurses were there, he would ask for a group hug…the whole atmosphere would change when we did that and many of the doctors were Hindu or Muslim….it made no difference.
Don’t forget that hugging is also prayer!
Thank you!
“Hugging is praying”
I love that, Mary!
I think that number three is a good description of my prayer. I like to share with God my emotions. There are times when I am frustrated and I talk to God about things that bother me. There are other times when I am grateful and my prayer is one of gratitude Thank you so much for sharing ways of praying.
Thank you for putting together all 8 steps to prayer in such a gentle guided format. I was pleased to see that I unconsciously follow quite a few of them.I find #6 to be a new challenge and will give it much thought. I was just reflecting this morning how much my prayer life has grown and changed and how I’ve learned to be grateful for EVERYTHING. I think that is the key to being lucky. God is so good how can we not be thankful?
These are certainly thought provoking. I question how to pray often and if I’m “doing it right”. You’ve got me thinking in a new way. I pray in the morning and I talk to God throughout the day. A friend once pointed out to me the difference between talking TO as opposed to talking WITH. I talk TO God more than I talk WITH Him. I’ve got 8 ways to spend more focused time with Him. Thank you, Sister. As always, you provide so much for thought.
Loved it! Simply loved all of it! Thanks so much Sister. God bless all you do for us.
I love all of your steps to prayer. Each one provides much food for thought.
The thing I find most challenging is “mind clutter” ~ distractions and wanderings of the mind which keep me from being fully present to God. I do talk to God throughout the day but would like to do better at setting aside some “quiet time” for prayer and reflection.
Thank you for guiding us along the path to prayer.
Thank you, Sister. All of them are great. I did a double take when I read number five “get lucky”. Before I read on, all I could think was “I have never been lucky in my entire life!” After reading the rest of the content, I see this is a whole different perspective on “luck” than what I have ever thought of. Thanks again!
Sr. Melannie,
Your writings are the best! I especially like it when your topic is highlighting the beauty of nature. I am not usually a responder on electronic devices but I wanted to let you know that above in number 8 you may have revealed that you are Cleveland sports fan, remember, it takes one to know one.
A humble follower,
Charlie
Charlie, I chuckled when I read your “you are a Cleveland sports fan.” And then your “it takes one to know one.” You’re right on the money! My sympathy to you too! Melannie
Well said! I read and re-read and re-read. I need to remember this so much
7. Be Honest Maybe I pray with too much honesty- (God knows the truth and probably chuckling now and then even God needs a good laugh). Hoping that God will always take my side in my prayers. Instead of me doing all the talking, I should learn to listen too. “Letting go and let God.”