We schedule all kinds of things: A doctor’s appointment, a dental check-up, a trip to the grocery store, lunch with a friend, our housework, an oil change, and even a time to go to church. As important as these appointments are, there is another appointment that deserves our regular attention: a humor break. Hopefully, today’s “reflection” will provide such a break for you. Notice, I’m posting this humor break the week before Thanksgiving in case you want to lighten up the conversation around your Thanksgiving dinner table.
Let’s begin with animals… Can you guess which annimal would be good for these jobs?
1) A hotel bellhop?
2) A political consultant?
3) An acupuncturist?
4) A daycare provider?
Answers: 1) kangaroo, 2) hamster–he’s good at spinning, 3) porcupine 4) goat–she’s great with kids.
Okay, let’s hop along… Certainly we can do better than that…
A boy is sitting down with his parents for dinner. All three are holding their cellphones. Says the mother to her son, “Sammy, please text grace.”
From a middle school exam: Question: What is hard water? Student answer: Ice. (If you were the teacher, would you give that student any credit for that answer?)
A woman asked her travel agent: Can you make sure I don’t get a window seat on the plane, because I just had my hair done?
An actual newspaper headline in a Massachusetts paper: “Committee Appoints Committee to Appoint Committee.”
Back to animals… What are the collective nouns for these groups of animals?
What do you call a group of owls?… a group of sharks?… a group of hummingbirds? …giraffes?… rhinocerous?… hedgehogs or porcupines?… penguins?
Answers:
Owls: A parliament… sharks: a shiver… hummingbirds: a charm… giraffes: a tower… rhinocerous: a crash… hedgehogs or porcupines: a prickly… penguins: a colony… a waddle… or a raft.
(How many did you get right? Before I looked them up, I got ony 3 right: owls, rhinos, and penguins. I guessed a colony! I didn’t know about waddle or raft!)
November 8 was Pun Day. Sorry I’m late with these. Get ready to groan:
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Small babies may be delivered by a stork, but heavier ones need a crane.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
A frantic woman tells her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, “No, it’s reindeer!”
“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.
Need an ark? I noah guy.
Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at!
Stay out of hot water when brewing a pun. It’s best to use subtle tea.
Words about advancing in age:
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
At my age, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
By replacing potato chips with grapefruit you can lose 90% of what little joy you still have in life!
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That will really freak you out.
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
My cardiologist’s diet for me: If it tastes good, spit it out.
Here’s something comedian Will Rogers said many, many, many years ago. Do you think it’s still true?
“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress!”
Miscellaneous:
Some people eat snails. They must not like fast food.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”
What’s the easiest way to get straight A’s? Use a ruler.
Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play any musical instruments? Mount Rushmore
Wife: I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I’m right.
Husband: Okay. You go first.
Wife: I’m wrong.
Husband: You’re right!
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
A man once said to Mark Twain, “I want to save my money, travel to Mt. Sinai, stand on that mountain, and read the 10 Commandments aloud.” Said Twain, “Why don’t you just stay home and live them!”
And last but not least: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes!
For reflection:
Did you enjoy any of these?
Would you like to add a joke, pun, or funny remark below? I welcome your additions!
Here’s an “oldie but goodie” that some of you might remember: “High Hopes” sung by Frank Sinatra and some kids. Sing along if you remember the words!
I welcome your comments below!
28 Responses
Thank you! I needed these smiles.
Good morning, Melannie…
Good morning, all…
And a good morning it is! Thank you for making us smile!
Good morning and thank you for the chuckles this morning!
Beautiful way to start the work week.
Thank you for the reminder that we all need a humor break more often!
A word on aging:
I set my alarm yesterday to wake for church. When my phone buzzed, I rolled over to push the snooze button, but the screen didn’t light up. It took a moment to realize I still had my eye mask on. (True story.)
Thanks Melannie
Hi Sister, here’s a cute one.
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. Because he saw the salad dressing. 🫣
There is a favorite saying of mine. ‘Simple treasures are life’s great treasures’.
Have a wonderful day, Colette
Thank you for the song! My mom used to sing that to me when I was little. She’s been gone 16 years now. And it was a happy reminder of her & of sillier, more carefree times. Have a wonderful week!
Have you ever scheduled an eye exam? Here is a simple one that you can give to a friend. [Be sure to try it first yourself.] Write these 3 letters on a piece of paper: “I”, “Y”, “Q”. Have your friend read the letters aloud. Then reply, “I Y Q too.” Hope you have many opportunities to smile today. Thank you, Melannie, for starting off this week on a happy note.
Good morning Sr. Melannie and all,
Such a joy-filled blog this morning and the fun song to lift ones spirits!
A little funny: A woman walked into a bakery and asked what they had that was non-fattening; the reply was, “Napkins”!
And so it goes…..
Blessings on your day,
Mary
Loved the post
Great to start the day with happy humor
Thanks for brightening up a gloomy Monday. God bless!
I loved them. I always need a laugh! Thank you sister!
These are funny jokes, even the howling puns. Humor is often welcome, but not always. Dark humor seems perennially worth enduring. I think of Ambrose Bierce and Mark Twain, a stretch in Samuel Beckett and James Joyce, Jonathan Swift and Voltaire in the Age of Reason for the dark side. And a wry bit of off-kilter wisdom–do you know the Irishman’s Philosophy? You could look it up.
Thank you for a delightful post…and music. Have a good week.
It’s always good to have a sense of humor! Thank you for the jokes, I am passing them along to make my friend smile as well. Thank you for this post.
Laugh out loud funny! My sleepy cats wonder what’s going on because I’m disturbing their sleeo with all the outbursts. Thanks Sister
Well needed! Thank you!
Thank you for the good laughs. It brightened my rainy day. Happy Thanksgiving. Sending blessings of gratitude.
Sometimes the simplest and silliest thoughts bring the best humor as all the jokes and puns in this post. Thanks for sharing. A good chuckle is always welcome.
Always enjoy your blogs. These were new to me!
Thanks! He who has himself for a patient, has a fool for a doctor!
Thanks, this was lots of fun and may come in handy.
Dear Sister Melannie,
Thank you for the smiles. A sense of humor and a peace of mind are God’s Gifts to help us carry on. The healthiness of good laughter; It is truly what the world is missing from all the anger and jealousy brought on by the media today. One of my favorite songs that I sang to my kids…”High Hopes” . I hope you are blessed with a warm Thanksgiving. P.S. Still sadly smiling about the “texting Grace”.
Thankful for your messages,
Charlene
Thank you, Sister!
My husband and I woke our son this morning with our laughter! I’m going to tape one of
these jokes to our bathroom mirror every day or so as a reminder NOT take ourselves
TOO SERIOUSLY TODAY!
Thank you, Sister!!!
I got my cardio & belly exercises in for the week!!!
The section “Words About Advancing in Age…”, especially…”My cardiologist’s diet for me: If it tastes good, spit it out.” and “When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?” really hit home…LOL
One of my favorite phrases…
He who learns to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
I have frequently told others that I have come to believe God’s purpose for me is for the amusement of others. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes not so much 😁
A friend/reader (Mary James) asked me to add this pun to the list: There’s a big sale going on at the boat store. I’ve heard it’s quite an oar deal! (Melannie)
I liked all of them — read them out loud to my hubby!
Printed out the one about how knees should (?) sound during squats and took it to the gym for my trainer to post.
Thanks for the smile-makers