I was thinking about promises recently. Here are a few thoughts on the question, “Why do we make promises?”
The dictionary says a promise is “an agreement to do or not to do something.” Generally speaking, there are good promises and bad ones. In short, a good promise (to care for or help someone) is rooted in loving. A bad promise (to hurt or harm someone) is rooted in not loving. In this reflection, I’m focusing on good promises such as these: baptismal vows; marriage vows; vows made by priests, brothers, and sisters; having a child and inherently promising to raise that child to adulthood; signing a contract; making commitments with our friends; promising ourselves to get a degree; taking an oath of office. Then there’s a host of smaller promises we make every day: “I’ll pick you up at 6:00… If you sub for me tomorrow, I’ll sub for you when you need it… I’ve decided to sing in the church choir.”
Why do we make promises? First, because there are a gazillion things we can do with our lives, a vast array of ways we can use our time, energy, and gifts. We cannot do everything–not even every good thing. Promises help us to channel our lives into meaningful and productive actions. Promises give our life direction. Ideally, they help us to become the kind of person we really want to be.
Second, we make promises because we are weak human beings. Humbly we acknowledge that we do not always do the good we want to do–especially when we “don’t feel like it.” Some examples: we don’t feel like babysitting our grandchildren today, or going to choir practice tonight, or taking the car for an oil change. But family chores, choir practice, and car maintenance are small parts of larger promises we make as responsible adults. Promises, then, help us to persevere in doing good even when we don’t feel like it–because we said we would.
Promises unite us with one another. In some ways, promises are the invisible threads that hold society together. From the moment we were conceived, we were dependent on our parents’ incredibly selfless promise–namely, to care for us in the womb and beyond–whether our conception was joyfully welcomed, a great surprise, or a major inconvenience. Every day we rely on others–sometimes total strangers–to keep their promises. We rely on other drivers to stay on the correct side of the road (a promise implicit in getting a driver’s license), security forces to help keep us safe, the grocery store to sell uncontaminated food, the doctor to be competent and up to date, engineers to construct and maintain safe buildings and bridges, elected officials to uphold the law and to work for the common good.
Promises have to be flexible at times, of course. What times? When a friendship or a marital relationship becomes abusive or harmful… when illness or other circumstances prevent us from keeping a commitment… when a lesser promise has become incompatiable with a far greater one.
Jesus believed in promises. At his baptism, he heard God the Father saying aloud of him: “This is my beloved Son in whom I am pleased.” Jesus’ life and mission were rooted in his belief in God’s personal love for him. In fact, he experienced his primary identity as God’s beloved Son. Fr. Demetrius Dumm, in his book A Mystical Portrait of Jesus, says that in order to make a firm commitment (a promise), one must possess “a good sense of personal identity, which is possible only when one has experienced the love of God, usually expressed through the love of good human persons.” Being on the receiving end of God’s promises and other peoples’ promises to us, enables us to grow in our ability to make and live out the good promises we have made with one another.
And finally, Hannah Arendt, sometimes called a “political philosopher,” summarized well her philosophy of promises in these words: “We make promises to build trust, reduce uncertainty about the future, and bind ourselves to others.”
Let us pray:
Dear Promising God,
help us to become more aware of Your promises to us…
May we grow in gratitude for the promises others have made and lived out for us…
And may we continue to persevere in living out the promises we have made to You and to one another. Amen.
For reflection:
What good promises made by others in your early life have made a major impact on your life? How?
What are some of the most significant promises you have made in your life?
Are there some promises you made long ago that you are still keeping? that you have modified along the way?
Are there any particular promises of God that you lean upon to live your daily life?
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PS #1: I am giving a weekend retreat on Mary, Jesus’ mother, at the Villa Maria Spirituality Center in Villa Maria, PA. The retreat starts Friday evening, October 9 and concludes with lunch on Sunday, Oct. 11. Using scripture, prayer, music, in-put sessions, videos and artwork, we will walk with Mary through the light and joys of her life as well as the darkness and sorrows. There will be times for you to enjoy the quiet chapel, the farm, the fall trees, and the many scenic views of this lovely sacred space. For details check out their website at vmesc.org or call 724-964-8886. I hope to see some of you there!
PS #2:
You’re invited to our SND annual Chicken BBQ and Boutique on Sunday, September 27 from noon until 5:00 PM. Where? On the campus of Notre Dame Cathedral Latin High School, 13000 Auburn Road, Chardon, OH. I’ll be in the “Book Nook” (in the cafeteria) from noon until 3:00. Stop by and say “hi.” I’d love to meet you!
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For our video today I chose the song “His Promises” by Hillary Weeks. She describes the song as a listing of some of God’s promises to us in the Bible. I hope you may find comfort and strength from this video.
Don’t forget to leave a comment below if you wish. We love hearing from all our readers!
27 Responses
Good morning, Melannie…
Good morning, all…
The biggest promise I ever made happened 45 years ago when I said “I do” to Kerry. That promise resulted in three beautiful children and, so far, two lovely grandchildren. Huzzah!
But forty-five years is a long time, and, yes, there were challenges along the way — the vicissitudes of life, if you will. One such vicissitude happened after I had completed my second year of teaching at Sacred Heart, a small parish school. At the end of that school year, I signed a “letter of intent,” stating that I would be coming back for a third year. But Kerry had just given birth to one of our beautiful children and money was tight — to say the pay at Sacred Heart was a bit “meager” would be an understatement, tantamount, perhaps, to working for “miraculous medals”!
Anyway, suddenly all these job openings started to appear from schools that could pay a lot more. I was urged by friends and family members alike to at least apply to these schools, but I said no because I had signed that letter of intent. I came back for a third year, agreeing to teach Phys Ed after school to earn a little more money ( I was an English teacher). At the end of that year I did not sign a letter of intents. I applied for a job at a public school and taught there for the next thirty-four years. It was a dream come true! Or should I say a prayer answered due to a promise kept.
One final thing: File this under, “God has a sense of humor.” Sacred Heart was (is) a CSJ school. After I retired from public education, I ended up teaching for seven more years at Fontbonne Academy — a CSJ school! To quote T.S Eliot, “In the end is my beginning.” Huzzah!
John, I was touched by the story of your “promises.” Your “I do” to Kerry (you biggest promise of all), your keeping the promise made in your “letter of intent,” your 34 years in public school education, and then finishing it all up at another CSJ school. What a beautiful narrative. Thank you for sharing it with us! Melannie
Good morning, Melanie, Thank you for another wonderful reflection to ponder. I love the video. The song with all the scripture verses is very inspiring and I love the photos of Jesus holding the lamb. A joyful way to begin the day.
Diane, I’m so glad you found this reflection worth pondering and the video inpsiring. I appreciate your words! Melannie
I’m not sure how many songs you listen to before choosing one for your reflections. But today’s choice is one of the best! Totally on target!
Thanks, Sister Mellanie for taking the time to find a song/prayer to contemplate.
Dear Melannie, the subject of and comments in your blog today really moved me.Thank you. It is important for us to make and share our promises with others just as Jesus taught by his example. I especially appreciate your comment, “promises then, help us to persevere in doing good even when we don’t feel like it- because we said we would”. And Fr. Dumm’s comment about possessing a good sense of personal identity which is only possible when one has experienced the love of God expressed through the love of good human persons. I’ve been blessed to have had those experiences which enriched my life and have felt like the hand of God on my heart and soul,
Donna, Sometimes, after typing in some key words, I can find a song in perhaps 10 minutes or so. But many times, I listen to a lot of songs before selecting one of them. But the time I spend searching through songs/videos is never wasted. I am enriched by so many of them! Thanks for writing! Melannie
Loretta, Yes, we all need encouragement when we don’t feel like persevering in doing good… and Demetrius’ point about possessing “a good sense of personal identity by experiencing the love of God expressed through the love of good people” is so insightful! Thanks for highlighting these two sentences in this reflection, Loretta. (PS: It was so good being with you Sunday to celebrate your sister Margaret’s 70th anniversary of being a Sister of Charity!) Melannie
It was helpful to think about daily and weekly routines for physical and spiritual well-being as promises. Life would become quite miserable if I did not keep health, wellness and promises to pray.
May the Good Lord Bless your Villa Maria Retreat in early October. It is a beautiful setting to learn more about Mary.
Giddy up and God Bless!
Barry, I liked your insight: to see weekly routines for physical and spiritual well-being as promises… And yes, Villa Maria in PA is especially lovely in October–as you know! Thank you! Melannie
We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary last July. A promise kept through ups and downs by God’s grace.
Kathleen, Congratulations on your 40th wedding anniversary in July! Melannie
In humble gratitude for all God has done and in joyful gratitude for Jesus’ invitation to follow him and take up my daily cross, which is not too heavy for me, I cleave to my place in the Mystical Body, in the realm of God already begun and evolving not in a straight line, but with respectful wariness of the misguided enemies planting weeds in our garden, grateful for all the loving power of our merciful, gracious brother and friend, in confidence that with God, *en cristo*, all things can come about as the all wise intends and promises. God’s will be done.
George, A beautiful expression of gratitude! All is gift, isn’t it? Experiencing God’s love for us gives us wisdom and strength to live our good promises. Melannie
Good evening, Sister.
I noticed that on these latest blogs no comments are shown. Is there a glitch in the system?
I love reading your blogs.
Celeste
Celeste, Yes, there is a glitch in the system. I’m in touch with our IT department to see if they can fix it! But if you go to my blog through google or your other search engine, the comments are usually there. My readers’ comments are vitally important for my blog!… Melannie
What a beautiful song and reflection! I wish I could attend your retreat! Pray for me and my family please.🙏❤️
Stephanie, I will certainly say a prayer for you and your family… I’m sure my readers will too. Melannie
Promises broken… we know the sting of them when we’ve been disappointed by someone who has not kept up their end of the bargain. And yet, I have to ask forgiveness when I know I’ve done the same. God’s promise to love us always despite our faults and broken promises keeps me focused on trying to keep my word to Him and everyone I encounter. It’s His word and some others I learned very early on…
“I mean what I said and
I said what I meant.
An elephant’s faithful one hundred percent.” !!!
John, I really liked your quote from the book, “Horton Hatched the Egg,” a wonderful children’s book by Dr. Suess. The book is about the importance of loyalty–through all kinds of “weather.” The ending contains a delightful surprise. No wonder so many children (like you!) have enjoyed it and remember its lesson into adulthood! Thanks for writing! Melannie
Thank you for your reflection. Today is my 69th birthday and I was making a few promises to myself. I had to smile as I read your post from yesterday. Thanks for your words of wisdom. Peace and all good, Mary Lou McGuinness
Mary Lou, Happy belated birthday! It’s important to keep good promises–even to ourselves! Thank you for your comment! Melannie
A promise has been the fabric of society from the beginning. Without handshakes a lot does not get done. Not all can be done formally through treaties. A lot of life is about trust in a person’s word, a promise.
Brandon, I liked all four of your sentences–especially “Without handshakes a lot does not get done.” Even when our “handshake” may simply be “showing up to help.” Thank you for your insights. Melannie
Hello Sister Mellanie; reading your blog on promises makes me think how it makes one happy to know you are keeping a promise! My wife and I were married young and we made promises to each other that older people were betting we would not keep; so as time went on we proved them wrong and we think back and laugh! 61 years and many more promises! See you Sunday!
Laddie, Congratulations for living your 61 year old promise to your wife!…I look forward to meeting both of you when I come to your parish, Sacred Heart in Roch Creek, OH, next Saturday. (I think you meant to write Saturday…) Thanks for writing! Melannie
Love the reflection but about the “glitch”. I haven’t commented lately due to the fact that, while I used to read the blog on Monday mornings, lately it hasn’t shown up until Friday or Saturday, or as in this instance, Sunday! Is this another part of the IT problem? I’ve noticed this for the last few weeks. Would love to be able to have this fixed. Thanks again.