Like you, I am aware of the many serious situations and issues confronting us right now. While not minimizing them in any way, I feel we must regularly take a break from all the seriousness and exercise our human capacity for levity. I hope a few of these will bring a smile to your face.
Let’s start off with a few T-shirt slogans:
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
That’s it! I’m calling Grandma! (seen on an 8-year-old)
Procrastinate now!
Frankly Scallop, I don’t give a clam! (seen in Cape Cod)
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
Let’s try some philosophical thoughts:
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
On the other hand… you have different fingers.
I intend to live forever—so far so good.
Noah was a brave man. He sailed in a wooden ship with two termites.
We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.
Now for some Definitions from a Catholic Dictionary: Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. Jesuits: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. Justice: When kids have kids of their own. Magi: The most famous trio ever to attend a baby shower. Processional: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. Recessional: The ceremonial procession at the end of Mass, led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
Now for a few miscellaneous observations:
Sign seen on an office door: “I can please only one person a day… Today is not your day… Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
An actual headline: “Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Line.”
Woman about date: “He was a regular Don Yawn.”
Some minds are like concrete: Thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
A racehorse can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.
Nostalgia: the longing you feel when you find the present tense and the past perfect.
First woman: “She thinks no man is good enough for her.” Second woman: “She may be right.” First woman: “She may be left.”
An egotistical actor boasted: “You know, at my last performance, I had the audience glued to their seats.” His latest costar replied, “Really? How very clever of you to think of that.”
I have noticed that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
Now let’s look at a few bumper stickers:
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Caution: I drive like you do.
Always remember, you’re unique—just like everyone else.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Sometimes I feel I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I’ve gotta be me! Everyone else was already taken.
And finally:
Writer: “I’m writing the definitive self-help book based on my personal philosophy.”
Friend: “What philosophy?”
Writer: “The three ups. Shut up, Grow up, and Lighten up.”
Did you like any of these? Do you have any others to share with us?
PS: Reminder: I’m giving a virtual retreat on hope Oct. 2-3 sponsored by Mount St. Joseph Retreat Center in Maple Mount, KY. There’s one conference Friday 6:30-7:30 pm (central time). Saturday goes from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm and includes conferences, ample breaks, some sharing. For details and registration, go to www.ursulinesmsj.org or call 270-229-0200. I hope to see some of you there!
Our song is a rendition of “Amazing Grace” sung by people from 50 countries affected by Covid-19. It’s a beautiful reminder of the oneness of our human family.
I invite you to respond below to anything in this blog–or to one another. I love hearing from you!
31 Responses
I liked a bumper sticker I saw once: “Who died and made you Elvis?”
One of my own, in the Catholic category (this one’s guaranteed to make you groan): Bishop Sheen weighed 2,000 pounds. Yes, he was a full ton.
There was Dorothy Parker’s quip about an actor whose performance “ran the gamut from A to B.”
And finally, the classic sign seen for many years on the desk of the rectory where I volunteered: “Helen Waite is in charge of complaints. If you have a complaint, go to Helen Waite.”
Have a great week, everyone! Peace, light, blessings.
Great stuff, Tom! Thanks!
Today is my first day back to work after being on vacation for 2 wks. Quite a few of the sayings you shared put a big smile on my face. Thank you for helping my hectic first day back to reality bearable 🙂
Good morning, Sr. Melannie…
Good morning, all…
I echo Michelle….”a big smile on my face”! We all so needed this! Thank you!
Some Mark Twain: “A classic is a book that everyone knows but nobody’s read.”
Good morning, the quotes made me smile but the music was what really lifted my heart. The beautiful voices and the Joyful faces. I will listen to this again and again throughout the week. Have a joyful day everyone.
Thank you Sr Melanie
Amen, Linda Marie……A beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace. Amazing, is it not, how technology has changed, and often enhanced, our lives during these times?
Good Morning Everyone!
My favorite quip was sign seen on an office door: “I can please only one person a day… Today is not your day… Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.” I actually saw that one in an office.
With so much turmoil and natural disasters around us, it is good to take a step back and breathe.
God bless.
Kathleen
Shut up, grow up, lighten up…priceless!
And a fabulous rendition of my favourite hymn.
Sometimes I just need to smile and forget all that’s going on around me.
On a church sign: “Too hot to change sign. Sin bad /Jesus good. Details Within.”
Loved all of these. Have a friend in Missouri who says, in response to a bumper sticker, “if we get a divorce, are we still cousins?” Especially loved the song. I have a version of Amazing Grace in Navajo that I am having played at my funeral, which I hope is still way in the future.
Good morning, Sr. Melannie!
I loved all of the quotes but my husband’s favorite was, “We cannot change the direction of the wind…but we can adjust our sails. My sister, Ruth, came up with this one that we heard in a small chapel on a very hot day in southern Indiana. The priest’s entire sermon was, “If you think it’s hot here….if you don’t change your ways…it’s hotter where you’re going.”
We really enjoyed the song! There were actually some countries we had never heard of.
Beautiful.
However, in watching these communal performances of music or dance, I am alway struck by the fact that some participants must appear with their identities masked, lest they be in danger of persecution for their expressions of faith or freedom.
Love the cat.
Good morning,
What a terrific way to start my day….thank you….for the humor, wisdom and music. You are the best. God bless.
I had some loud laughter during those quotes which felt so good.
The song was out of this world and brought tears to my eyes
Thank you , Sr. Melanie
Sr Odelia
Thanks “a Million”! We needed those! A Good Collection! Thank you for sharing! God bless you! (Sister Leonarda – formation at Leonora Hall/Francisca Residence, Akron Ohio…)
Sister Melannie, your blog gave me such a good laugh today! Thank you! Amazing Grace sung around the world is awesome and uplifting. Awe and wonder and delight.
One of my favorite one-liners, by Richard Lederer, a very funny writer and scholar: Champagne for my friends, real pain for my enemies!
I enjoyed the humor, but what absolutely lifted me up was the “Amazing Grace” from fifty countries. I was in tears. Thanks so much for this beautiful gift.
The song really touched me. Jesus will save His children wherever they live in the world.
As a mother of a wonderful teen, this sign in a coffee shop cracked me up!
TEENAGERS
TIRED OF BEING
HARRASSED BY YOUR
PARENTS?
ACT NOW!!!
MOVE OUT, GET A JOB,
PAY YOUR OWN WAY,
WHILE YOU STILL KNOW
EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks for the humor. I love to laugh!!!
On a church sign in our neighborhood, this little reminder:
God made the world, he gets to make the rules.
Great blog!
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
” I intend to live forever, so far so good.”
I love that video, and impressed with the technology.
Melannie, thank you for the uplifting sayings. I enjoyed all but really laughed out loud at the Catholic Dictionary ones. The video was very touching.
Hope your move went well and that you are settled in your new home!
Always ready for a good laugh! Thanks Melanie!
Happy Birthday (Sept. 16)! Many, many more with Blessings always.
Every day we need a little humor. Every day we need a little God in our lives. Every day we need a little concern from someone.
A sign on the front entrance of this home, ” If you’ve come to see me, come any time. If you’ve come to see my house, make an appointment.”
Amazing!!!!
Thank you for lightning my day. If you go on the Jan Garrett & JD Martin website (songwriters/musicians) they have a button to press for a laugh track because “laughing is contagious and therapeutic.”
When it is Saturday morning, it is time to read Sister Melannie! I don’t know who said it but I have always enjoyed ” The only person who really likes change is a wet baby “.
Saw this in Reader’s Digest a long time ago…”You might be Catholic if when someone says, “May the force be with you,” and you reply, “And also with you.” Obviously before the change to “And with your spirit.”
Also, I teach middle school. My principal has 2 jars on her desk: “Ashes of problem students” and “Ashes of problem parents”.