
I’ve read quite a few books about the aging process. At 80, I need all the help and insights I can get! One of the most creative and charming books I’ve read on this topic is She: The Old Woman Who Took Over My Life by Kathryn Tucker Windham. First, a word about the author.
Windham is a well-known journalist, story-teller, and novelist from Selma, Alabama. Born in 1918, she was a journalist for 40 years–from the Great Depression through the Civil Rights movement. During those years she married (1946), bore three children, and was widowed (1956). In 1970 she moved from journalism to story-telling and novels, eventually publishing over two dozen books. She was putting the finishing touches on She when she died in 2011 at age 93.

Windham begins her book by describing how she woke up one day and found that an old lady had moved into her house. (She is Windham’s own aging self.) She calls this uninvited guest She. Writes Windham, “She disrupts my plans, demands my attention… requires nurtitious meals, curtails my away-from-home activities, hides things from me, makes my handwriting less legible, and pushes names and events into the deepest crevices of my mind.” What Windham really resents about She, is that she has become the primary caregiver for this “crotchety old lady” who has moved into her house. “It’s not a job I applied for,” she says.
Throughout the book, Windham dialogues with She. Sometimes they argue. Sometimes they get on each other’s nerves. One day Windham reminds She of General MacArthur’s famous words, “Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.” Says She, “He could have done better.” Then She rattles off: “old explorers never die, they just get lost… old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away… old radio announcers never die, they just sign off… old runners never die, they just cross the finish line.” Windham gets tired of She’s rambling.

“The most aggravating change” She makes in Windham’s life is how She has slowed her down. Says Windham, “Everything takes longer now to do, two or three times as long, even as simple a task as making a cup of instant coffee.” Another chapter is entitled “Honey, She Shrank Me.” Since She moved in, Windham notes that she has lost 2 inches in height, no longer able to reach the top shelves in her kitchen. She says, “I told you those shelves were too high, but you wouldn’t listen.” Windham knows that it’s just as hard for her to get something from the bottom shelf too. Her solution? She begins to store canned goods and non-perishable items in her rarely used oven–much to She’s chagrin.

Sometimes She is bossy. “You’ve got too many clothes,” she announces. “You’ve got to give some to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.” Other times She tells Windham to get an electric recliner, electric can opener, and a lower bed. Windham does, but complains that the new bed “spoils the look of the room.” When Windham has trouble reading, She insists she get a magnifying glass, and adds, “If you had not read so much, your eyes would not be worn out.” When Windham’s doctor strongly suggests she get a cane, it is She who scolds her every time she forgets to use it.
Windham’s little book is realistic in describing the aging process. She acknowledges the genuine hardships of aging–for example, giving up your driver’s license and experiencing the deaths of so many friends. Yet the book is far from depressing. Through all the changes She brings into her life, Windham manages to hang on to her sense of humor as she and She move together toward the completion of their earthly journey.
The book ends with Windham writing down her preferences for her funeral. She requested that the congregation sing her favorite hymn, “I’ll Fly Away”:
Some glad morning when this life is o’er, I’ll fly away;
To a home on God’s celestial shore, I’ll fly away.
I’ll fly away, O Glory, I’ll fly away;
When I die, Halleluiah, by and by, I’ll fly away.
As I inch nearer to the completion of my own earthly journey, I found this little book helpful, wise, and fun to read!
For reflection:
If you are “getting up there in years,” are there any changes you are noticing or struggling with?
What helps you to deal with your own aging process or that of a loved one?
Have you read any books on aging that you found helpful?
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PS #1: Thank you for your prayers for last week’s retreat for those eight women from the Drug Rehab Center. When I told them you were praying for them, they were very appreciative. Their backgrounds included a lawyer, a chef at a well-known restautant, several moms, a teacher, and a former military member. They were vivacious, eager to share, and extremely grateful for the beautiful setting, the private room, and the quiet time. There was laughter, a few tears, and two delicious meals enjoyed together. Let us continue to pray for these women and all our brothers and sisters who are courageously taking steps toward recovery and healing.
PS #2: Two of my readers in Tampa, a married couple, read my blog together every week. After reading last week’s blog on the octopus, they went for their customy health walk. Imagine their surprise when they saw this truck parked in their neighborhood. They snapped this picture for us!

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Our video today is called “Loving My Older Self/ Loving that Woman in the Mirror.” It is written and sung by Karen Taylor Good and Stowe Daily who call themselves Stowegood. They are motivational speakers, songwriters, and authors. You might want to check out their website. I was intrigued by their work. For me, this particular song becomes a prayer with their refrain, “Help me to love her…” These are words we can say to God: “Please help me to love the woman (or man) I see in the mirror”—no matter what our age is! (This video has closed captions if you click on cc at the bottom.)
Windham asked that the song “I’ll Fy Away” be sung at her funeral. This bonus video is Reba McEntire’s performance of “I’ll Fly Away” live from Nashville. She says the three other ladies in the quartet are members of her family.
I welcome you to write a comment about the reflection, the questions, the pictures, or the videos. Don’t be shy…
37 Responses
Dear Sr Melannie, you have led me into temptation and I have succumbed!
“She” is on her from Amazon! After I promised not to buy another book until I read one or two of the must haves that I have 🤨.
Thank you for your wonderful inspiring blog. May you appreciate your self and relish the gift you are to us readers 💯
Thank you for addressing aging..a great book is Joyce Rupp’s…newest..Vessels of Love..if youre having a hard time aging..this is a good one!!!..im hitting 80 in aug. So glad i have God to hit it with me ..peace
A wonderful and inspiring article on aging.
Thank you Sr MELANNIE 🙏🏼
Like you, I was born on a beautiful farm of loving parents in South Africa, after WW2.
The Italians love to say:
‘La famiglia e’ tutta’
(The family is everything)
So true.
Bless you for your inspiring offerings to your readers. Love them 💖
Good morning, Sr. Melannie…
Good morning, all…
Like Ann, I too must buy this book! My step-mother is currently 92 years old. At 89, she broke her hip (often bad, bad news), but she rehabbed and survived! About a month ago, she broke her arm, but she’s been rehabbing that and the other day she tied her shoes on her own for the first time since the fracture! She’s truly remarkable, but also realistic: “John, I have to give up driving, and that’s going to be hard.” She lives alone, and loves her solitude, space, and independence, but knows that’s soon coming to an end and that assisted living is right around the corner. I think she will love your book suggestion! Thank you!
Thanks again for the reminders about the challenges and beauty of aging. Always thought provoking Sister Melannie.
Faith is the only thing that could ever get me through watching my husband’s aging journey as he nears the final 7th step in dementia. Meanwhile throughout our 42 years of marriage since he is 10 years older than me, I have seen previews of the aging process and can recognize some of them in myself. Thank you, Sr. Melanie, as always, for your insight and support.
Thank you Sister Melannie.
Am looking forward to the words of Ms. Windham.
I saw your note reviewing “She” when it was displayed in our library and immediately took it out. I really enjoyed reading it and could identify with so much.
Thanks so much for this and all your weekly blogs.
For some reason I’m having difficulty accessing the music videos
Hello, Sr. Melannie. As I approach 67 (in April), I am seeing my own “she” making appearances! This will definitely be added to my “to read” list. I recently started “Till the Moon Be No More: The Grit and Grace of Growing Older,” by Valerie Schultz. I am so grateful for all the wise women (including you!) guiding me into this new chapter in life.
While I am here, I also want to say how much I enjoyed your reflection on St. Blaise in this month’s Give Us This Day. As with so much of your writing, I found both humor and inspiration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights with us!
Sr Melannie,
This reminded me of the day I took my 95 year old mom to my hairdresser. She looked in the mirror and said to us “The mirror lies.” And we all agreed! She died in 2021 at the age of 99.
Thank-you so much for this memory and yes I’ll be buying that book.
Thank you for an uplifting start to the day.
Must read the book. I am 83 and live alone. Still active, thank you, Father. I found the song a bit of a downer. My own Mother lived to almost 95. She kept telling me, “inside I still feel like me. I don’t feel old until I look in the mirror or try to get things done.”
Peggy, my mother, who died at age 95, always said the same thing to me: “in my mind, I’m still the same person I always was, I’m still me. I just can’t do what I used to.” It is truly a universal human experience.
Thank you.
Melannie: I’m a great denier of my age, mid-eighties now. And I’m amazed at how many elders are at Planet Fitness, along with me, and how we keep watching each other. (I think it’s because we want to yell for help when one of us falls off the tread mill or stationary bike!) My dog insists on walking me every day, too–snow or sun, cold or warm, — we take on the elements. I must read this book to embrace the older person within me…Thank you—Mary Ann Flannery
I hope my library carries ms Windham’s book!
Joan Chittister’s on aging – not sure right now the title – is very good, too.
Thank you!
Sr.Joan Chittister’s book is The Gift of Years…. A real gem to ponder and reread often.
I agree – thanks for mentioning it — I left my copy at home when I came south for winter and was wracking my brain trying to recall the name of it to post here!!
I went to the computer hoping there was something from Sunflowers to pick me up and there you were. Can’t thank you enough. Therese(Terry)
Sr Melannie,
Thank you for sharing “She”. That sounds like an excellent book to read. The music video was beautiful! I love your books too
Thank you for sharing about the book! Another excellent book I recently read and discussed with a friend is called Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Aging by Frank J. Cunningham. It is described as “soul food for baby boomers”. I found very helpful in reflectively looking back and also approaching the future with all its joys and challenges.
Beautiful and uplifting blog post today. Thank you Sr. Melannie. I’m struggling through accepting aging too and your sharing “She’s “ reflections brought humor to the process, at least for today. Also the reminder that we are blessed if we make the journey with faith and gratitude for the partner along for the walk, Our Lord Jesus. Loved the video by “Stowegood”, I’ll listen to it often this week.
Thank you for this great article. I can’t believe I’ll be 3/4 of a century old on Thursday. Where has the time gone? I’ve experienced joy and tears, the highs and lows. All I can say is that God has been good to me.
Happy Birthday Dorothy,
Oh my! God is giving us one of His coincidental winks, for I too will be 3/4 of a century old on Thursday. I was a preemie born a month early, but it was February 6, 1950 that God chose for us both to begin our earthly journey. Now, I can only thank God every day for my life filled with His Love shown to me through so many beautiful people throughout the years. God bless you. Joanne
Love Anne lamott’s wry attitude toward aging
Thank you, Sr. Melannie. Reading your blog this morning was perfect timing. I turned 70 last August (65-74 is considered “young old age”!), and had hip replacement surgery three weeks ago. A piece of bone fractured off during the surgery, which has added 3-4 weeks to my recovery. Windham’s musings really hit home. I am getting around the house with a walker, had to have someone rearrange my kitchen and refrigerator because I cannot bend, and am definitely moving at a slower pace! When I had to go for a Doppler of my leg, they put a band on my wrist that said “FALL RISK”. I looked at it and said: “I’ve become my mother!” This time has been a lesson in patience and humility, and a true test of my desire to AGE GRACEFULLY AND GRATEFULLY!
Thank you for this post, it made my day!!!! “She” is now on my reading list. My mom and I (I just turned 65, and she will turn 85 in March), laugh about some of the things mentioned as we talk daily. I will of course suggest her to read as well. God Bless!!!
At age 73, I see that physically I am becoming my mother, who lived to be 87. She maintained she felt “pretty good,” even as she lay dying. She was gracious till the end. Once she said she had become ugly. Not true! She was beautiful, inside and out, but especially inside.
When I grow up, I want to be like her.
Sister Melanie,
Loved SHE and it’s right on. I am using Joyce Rupp’s book of poems and prayers called Vessels of Love. I’ve given it as gift to various individuals and it doesn’t matter what faith they profess or even non believers as it speaks to each.
You’d love it.
Looking forward to reading SHE as it contains great humor and reality. Thank you Appreciate hearing from you every Monday.
With prayer.
Thanks for today’s blog Sr Melannie. My good friend and I laughed and laughed about the “ She” each of us is dealing with. We’ve ordered the book to see if some of the most embarrassing things we talked about are in the book. (I’ll let you know🤣.)
I liked both videos and songs. I’m partial to Reba’s singing. Those other ladies in the quartet were her two sisters and her mother.
Thanks again and may God bless us all on our journey to him.
Ohh Sister, I would be lost without your Monday’s inspirations. Maria, we have something in common. My Mother also passed on her 99th b/d in 2021. She was in a Nursing Home, but we brought her to our house for her last 5 days. It was the best thing we ever did. Aging is just a mystery.
Thanks again,
My younger wife died five years ago. I pray to her often, and to my parents and two brothers who went to heaven longer ago. I’m blessed with caring friends, relatives and neighbors
in a senior complex, and especially with a community of religious sisters who own the property. The humane good will and caring of all around me give me comfort. Living alone doesn’t bother me, since I trust in in a God who gives me ideas and inspiration. A certain feebleness that comes from 88 years of not trying to be fitter I can accept. Joan Chittister’s *Gift of Years* stimulated me and braced me for the many chances to cooperate with God. Study of spirituality, especially in recent years, has enriched me. I can face the day’s political crises with the faith Jesus expected as the stormy sea threatened his disciples. I try to share my determined hope with a number of blog readers and commentators, some of whom appreciate my efforts.
Oh my, how appropriate this is for me in my 82nd year on this earth. Even as I write that and know it to be true, it is hard for me to really believe that it is “me” I am talking about…..how can it be when I remember so many of my memories of my youth, which seem not that long ago.
But I have to say that having a sense of humor is absolutely essential….now more than any other time in my life. When I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, which is a very good size, I have to reintoduce myself to that person looking directly at me. I often say, “Is that really me? Is that how I truly look”? A couple of weeks ago I looked and saw that my “muffin top” seemed to have grown to an “angel food cake” top…..quick get on my shirt!!!
That being said, I do truly appreciate the woman I have become within…..the wisdom from my years and the burgeoning love I feel when I reflect on how deeply loved I/we are and the deep desire I have to convince each and everyone I encounter of that truth………”How can I keep from singing?”
Thank you Sr. Melannie
Dear Mary, Sr. Melannie and all!
My 82nd year as well. As I read the post I realized I was crying! Certainly not sorrowful tears, but those of joy. Being 82, living alone and doing everything including taking care of my 7 acres, I’m astounded at times and ever, ever so grateful!!! So many friends have passed or are in bad health and here I am so healthy, good mind and waning but good strength. “SHE” and I have several conversations a day! What a lovely, lovely post! I’ve always loved “I’ll Fly Away!” But after I saw “Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou” I sing it with a smile every time and think it would be the perfect song for my funeral! Thank you for a marvelous post! I am so blessed!
Michelle
Dear Sr. Melannie,
Thank you for your blog. From Octopuses, Inaugural Prayers to Acceptance of aging, you bring thoughts of joy, beauty and thought provoking ideas. Even if I don’t always see everything in life as you do; I love your heart and humor in your comments. I am trying to find a retreat where you are speaking this year as I would love to meet and learn more from you. Blessed are we for your sharing your wisdom and gifts from God.
Most sincerely, Charlene
Whenever I get asked my bday (seems that’s how we are identified these days for EVERYTHING) and I say the number 1947 I sort of freak out and realize I’m “pushing 80” and was born in the first half of the 20th century!! I’m glad to be enjoying the beginning of the 2nd quarter of the 21st century and feeling healthy.
Thank you for sharing this today.
Melanie, thanks for sharing this wonderful story of SHE and the insight of SHE able to see herself as someone who is growing older and yet accepting of the many large and subtle changes in her life–body, mind and spirit.
What a precious gift.
Loved the “I’ll fly away” video too!
Blessings!