Years ago when I was novice director, I came across this sentence in some psychology book I was reading: “A definitive sign of human maturity is tenderness.” These words came back to me as I pondered the life and ministry of Pope Francis. In one of his first encyclicals, Evangelii Gaudium (The Joy of the Gospel), he wrote: “The Son of God, by becoming flesh, summoned us to the revolution of tenderness.” But Francis not only wrote about tenderness, he lived it. Whether he was washing the feet of a prisoner, consoling an 8-year-old boy who had just lost his father, or embracing a family of immigrants, he exuded tenderness. So, in his honor, I am devoting this reflection to tenderness.
The verb “to tend” and the adjective “tender” come from the same Old French root which literally means “to stretch.” For me, the words conjure up the image of a taller person being stretched by reaching down to help a
smaller person–who is being stretched by reaching up to the taller person. In Compline, the traditional night prayer in the Divine Office, we say these words: “Tend the sick, Lord Jesus.” Tend. We are not asking the Lord to heal the sick here. There are other places in scripture, of course, where we are told to pray for healing–for example in James 5:14. But in this prayer we are seeking God’s tenderness.
There’s a line in one of the psalms that also underscores the tenderness of God. In Psalm 41:3, the psalmist says, “The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness.” That’s the King James Translation. But here are three other translations of that same line:
+ “The Lord will help them when they are sick.” (Good News)
+ “The Lord will take care of him when he is lying sick in bed.” (New International Reader’s Version)
+ “The Lord nurses them when they are sick.” (New Living Translation)
We often refer to God or Jesus as the Divine Physician. And that’s a beautiful and appropriate metaphor. But does something change in us when we think of God or Jesus as the Divine Nurse or Divine Nurse’s Aide or even the Divine Physical Therapist? My experience as a patient in health care has given me a greater appreciation of the direct, hands-on role that nurses, aides, physical therapists, and all caregivers play in the healing process. Who helps you to the bathroom? Who fluffs your pillows? Who feeds you? Who takes you for a walk? Healing is often a slow, gradual process. How much we must rely on the tenderness of all our caregivers–and on the tenderness of God–for our own healing.
Jesus was tender. He gently took the hand of Peter’s mother-in-law and helped her rise from her bed of pain… He played with little children tenderly. One day he put his arm around the shoulders of a small child and said, “Unless you become as little children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Mt. 18:3). The child was Jesus’ “show and tell” for his disciples… Jesus touched the blind, the deaf, the lame, and even lepers… He spoke tender words to the woman who had been hemmorhaging for 12 years–even calling her “daughter”… And after calming the raging storm in the boat, he gently asks his petrified disicples, “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?”… And to the weeping Mary Magdalene in the garden, Jesus uttered but a single word, “Mary.” And at once Mary knew the man she had thought was the gardener was really Jesus. She recognized him by the familiar and tender tone of his voice. (Don’t we all crave to hear our name spoken tenderly by one whom we love?)
Here are a few questions we might want to reflect on:
Do I allow God to tend me? If so, how do I do this? If not, what gets in the way of allowing God to tend me?
How do I “show and tell” my tenderness to the people I encounter in my daily life–the people I live with, work beside, serve, am related to, acquainted with, or are strangers I just happen to meet?
How do I allow others to tend me? Am I even in touch with my need for tenderness?
Who, in the various stages of my life, has made a deep impression on me by showing me tenderness?
PS: Let us remember in our prayer the upcoming Papal Conclave which begins Wednesday May 7. The conclave, being held in the Sistine Chapel, will consist of 133 cardinals who will elect our next pope. A few facts: the cardinals represent 72 countries, the widest geographic mix in history. Here are the numbers from six geographic areas: Europe – 53; Asia – 23; Africa -18; South America – 17; North America -16; and Oceania – 4. In recent history, the conclaves have lasted only a few days. But the longest one lasted three years!… Let us pray for the Holy Spirit to be with all the electors as they choose our new Pope.
Our song today is entitled “Jesus, Full of Compassion” and is sung by Caroline Cobb. Compassion and tenderness are two words that are so much alike, they sometimes flow into each other. This song sings of some of the incidents in Jesus’ life where he showed tenderness and compassion. I was mesmerized by the visual background: a huge flock of migrating white birds–too numerous to count–coming down to rest upon a beautiful blue lake during their long migration. The words of the song I was most drawn to were these: Jesus, full of compassion… with love for the broken… beating in your heart… that we’d know the love of God.
As usual, I welcome your comments below… on the reflections, the questions, the video… or did any of the photos “speak” to you today?
23 Responses
Good morning, Melannie…
Good morning, all…
Such a beautiful and much needed blog. Our world needs more tenderness. A long time ago, when I was 18 yrs. old and trying to make my through Air Force basic training, I had had a particularly bad day — full of mistakes and scolding from the drill instructors. When I got back to the barracks, I sat at my bunk, put a towel to my face, and started to weep. Just then, one of my fellow airmen — his last name was Hightower — came over to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “I hear ya, man. I hear ya.” I have never forgotten that moment of tenderness and never will. Wherever you are now, airmen Hightower, I hope all is well.
John, Thank you for sharing this touching story–and the tender gesture and words of your fellow airman. We don’t forget moments like this in our lives. I’m sure you have “paid his tenderness” forward many times as a husband, father, and high school teacher. Thank you for writing! Melannie
Thank you, Melannie…I’ve tried!
My brother had a significant heart attack over the weekend. The tenderness of the prayers of family and friends has helped me walk throught this crisis one step at a time.
So sorry for your troubles. May you feel the comfort of the Lord. 🙏
Our prayers are with you, your brother, and your family, Kathleen… Melannie
May the Holy Spirit guide the Cardinals as they choose the next leader of the Catholic Church.
May Pope Francis intercede for them.
Please hold Louisa in prayer who has a tumor removed and part of her jaw bone. The flap the doctors closed on her face didn’t heal and they had to remove the flap and covered it with packing and connected to her neck with gauze. Please keep her in your prayers and prayer for guidance for the doctor and healthcare staff caring for Louisa.
Thank you for your prayer support.
Grateful,
Jane
Jane, We will keep Louisa and her loved ones in our prayer…Melannie
The song sings the story of my life, its impact on me enormous. I am forever grateful for the Love that has always been with me, kept me safe and is leading me home.
Kate, Thanks for reminding us that sometime a song really touches our heart. Melannie
I have always appreciated the difference between curing and healing. We are not divine. We can not cure. We can, however, heal. Tenderness is part of healing.
Thanks for the important clarification, James. Yes, tenderness is part of the healing… which often takes time… Melannie
Thank you for this beautiful reflection, Sr. Melannie! We need tenderness in this world today. I want to share with you and your readers the website AdoptaCardinal.org You can go there, enter your email address, and will be sent the name of a Cardinal to pray for during the conclave. Not the he be elected, of course, but to offer prayerful support. I find it a good way for all of us to feel a part of this process.
thank you for that info on Adopt a CArdinal. I went on right away and
“got my cardinal’ — what a great idea. I’m going to send that link to all my Catholic friends.
What a great idea, Ellen. Thanks for sharing this with all of us! Praying for a particular Cardinal brings the conclave closer to home! Melannie
What a beautiful reflection today, Sister Melannie. I, have in my life, an occasion of extreme compassion given to me, of which I will always cherish. Your posting today really hit home for me. Thanks so much.
Sharon, I’m so happy to hear you experienced an occasion of “extreme tenderness” that you will always cherish. I’m sure it must have made a deep impact on your life–including your own tenderness for others! Thanks for writing! Melannie
Sister Melannie,
Thank you for your insights. It’s amazing what a touch can do when we’re down and heartbroken. It doesn’t take away the pain but it makes us aware that someone cares. That is what your blog today so much caused me to remember. You are so blessed with that gift!
Judy, yes, the touch is a visible and felt sign that “someone cares.” We need such signs in our lives to get through life’s pains and sorrows… Thank you! Melannie
Beautiful video and reflection today. Thank you Melanie. Myself and a few members of my family have been dealing with ongoing and troubling health issues and have been blessed with outstanding tenderness and compassion by caregivers. I love the photo of the doctors/nurses with angel wings. I make a point to sincerely thank each one I encounter in my lab & doctor visits. Each one truly is Christ in the flesh. Compassionate prayers are also appreciated and answer our Lord’s call. My prayers today for all who expressed a need today.
Loretta, I too loved the picture of the nurses with angel wings! My prayers for you and your dear family as you face your troubling health issues… And I was glad to hear you individually thanked those you meet in the lab and dcotor’s office. We must never take their care and goodness for granted… Thanks for writing, my dear cousin… Melannie
Thank you Sr. Melannie for your blog.
I am a new subscriber and am reading Sunflower seeds of hope.
Not much housework getting done as I cannot put the book down.
Just shared your writings with my cardiologist.
God bless you .
Rosemarie
Rosemarie, Welcome to “Sunflower Seeds.” And thank you for your kind words about my new book. I smiled when you said you shared my writings with your cardiologist! I pray that my words and the many words of the other readers of this blog may encourage the love that is already in your heart! Thank you for writing! Melannie