Last year The Washington Post ran an article entitled “13 Parents Share the Best Reasons to Have Children” by Alyssa Rosenberg. Since I have no children of my own, I was interested in what these experts (actual parents) had to say. Though they all work in some capacity at The Post, “Their families come in all sizes,” and they have a wide range of religious and political perspectives. I’ll share a few of their thoughts and then open up this topic for your sharing.
“The best part of parenting is getting to be a kid again for them,” writes Mary Katharine Ham. She cites “the fun of coloring, Play Doh, Little League, bounce houses, and playgrounds.” She adds, that the hardest part of parenting is “you have to be an adult for them. Boundaries, guidelines, the very long curve of teaching kids to behave in public.”
Theodore Johnson says, “One of parenting’s first joys is the feeling of a little hand in your palm, that small gift representing a child’s trust and desire to learn from you in a world of pointy edges.” Amber Noelle Sparks notes that the best and hardest parts of parenting “all stem from the same thing: that you have literally created a new person, who is absolutely not you nor your partner and has a completely different brain and different personality.” This can be wonderful–when your daughter, for example, turns out to be an amazing artist and neither of her parents are. But it can be challenging when you butt heads over things.
Elizabeth Nolan Brown sums up the best reason for having kids is “how much more full it has made my life.” She enumerates: “More full of love. More full of activity. More full of noise, responsibility and pure joy… More laughter. More worry. More perspective.” She admits, some things “are not awesome” like more worry. “But they are more than offset by the amazing, joyous, and life-affirming elements.”
Leah Libresco Sargeant says, “I see more of the world, moving at my children’s pace and looking through their eyes.” And when she travels alone with her two children, ages 3 and 1, “I receive more kindness from strangers.” She adds, “My children make me visible to others and others visible to me.”
Emily Oyster sums up the best reason for having kids as “the joy of socks.” She recalled a time when she received an email with some very good professional news. She called her husband to tell him about it, and they agreed that “in terms of daily happiness, it ranked second only to our daughter figuring out how to remove her sock that morning.”
One of the reasons Alyssa Rosenberg wrote this article is because she felt that “Parenting needs better PR.” Sometimes young couples hear too many stories about the difficulties of having children. So, I invite you below to share some of the best reasons to have children–based on your experience and perspective.
For reflection:
Did any of the reasons above resonate with your thoughts and feelings about parenting? Can you think of any other reasons?
Would you like to share a few of those reasons below with all of us? (You need NOT be a parent to respond to this question. Sometimes “outsiders” can offer very worthwhile perspectives too!)
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PS: Garden update: Two weeks ago I shared my struggles with my porch garden. Here’s an update: I’m sad to report that my bell pepper plant died–but not before giving me one marble-size red pepper. My pretty yellow petunia plant was infected by some sort of fungus. I had to dispose of it. The lone tomato on my beef steak plant continues to grow. It’s the size of a golf ball now. A small golf ball… My zinnia has 3 new green stalks with three buds! It is now out of intensive care. How’s your garden doing?
I am offering two videos today. The first is the song “We Are Children of God,” by Monica Scott. It reminds us that WE are sons and daughters of God–no matter how young or old we are. Hopefully our relationship with our children will give us a better understanding of our relationship with God. Also, this video celebrates young children. Just seeing their faces will probably make us smile. And finally, we remember that Jesus said, “Unless you become like little children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven” (Mt. 18:3).
We are all shocked and disturbed by the attempted assassination of Donald Trump on Saturday and the death and serious injury of the others who were there. We pray for all involved. I chose this second video as a prayer for peace. It’s “Peace on Earth” based on Antonin Dvorak’s New World Symphony and adapted by Bob Hurd. We pray that we who are privileged to live in a democracy will once again realize that violence is not the way to preserve our democracy. Instead we must do the much harder labor of working for justice for all our citizens, of tending to the poor in our midst, of treating all people with respect, of striving to be a person of integrity and love, and of working endlessly for the common good.
I invite you to share below your thoughts on this reflection below…
18 Responses
Good morning, Sr. Melannie…
Good morning, all…
First, thank you for the exhortation for peace on earth. We so need it, here and all over the world.
Okay, Kerry and I have three children, their ages being 41, 38, and 36. When people ask me how they’re doing, I say, “They’re happy, healthy, and loved by someone other than their parents! Naturally, while raising our three cherubs, there were joys and challenges, and even now our hearts are always “on watch,” and will be for the rest of our lives. For the most part, we tried our best to raise them the same — we read to them, took them to church, and made our home a safe place. But they couldn’t be more different! Here’s my humorous take on those differences:
How our three children would have reacted in high school if we found out they were at party where there was alcohol: Our now 41 year old (female): “Dad, I swear, I was in an another room, saying my rosary, and I only stayed because Bridget (random name) needed a ride home.” Our 38 year old (boy): “Well, dad, according to Massachusetts state law, section fifteen, paragraph 3a, a person must be fifty feet from an open container of alcohol to be legally in the presence of said substance, and by my measurement, I was fifty-two feet from the keg in the kitchen sink.” Our 36 year old (boy): “Ya, it was awesome!”
Whenever we lose the reality that we are children, we lose sight of who we really are.
The condition of our political world is an expression of this reality. May we rediscover the basic reality of life and our nation: “We are one nation under God”….”we are children of God”
Blessing,
Father John
“ If I were a leper, my mother would hug me. She would kiss my wounds without fear or hesitation.” – St. JoseMaria Escriva
This is what motherhood feels like, but also it comes with a good dose of worry, which I am continually trying to counteract. Yesterday in mass I heard, “Trust in the Divine Providence of God.” I have to frequently remind myself of this
When it comes to my children and grandchildren. God’s got this!
As a parent, you come to understand God’s love for us.
I could not wait to have children, although we only had 2. I was never so excited when I found out I was pregnant with our daughter and 10 months later our son was born. And although they are now parents and our son a grandfather as well, I still like to “mother” them!
I’m sorry about your garden. I have had to admit I have only a brown thumb so I can relate. 4 of my own and 5 step-kids reminds me of God’s patient love for us in spite of everything we are and do, and the beauty when all is working together for those who love Him.
Peace to all,
We needed this message this Monday, thank you Sister M,
We became parents as soon as we wed, in 1961, having a baby in 62′,63’65,& 67 and
all were a surprise, and a blessing.
Having grandchildren took much waiting and longing, and then 11 of them from 95′ to
03′. These blessings were the greatest in our lifetime and we are very grateful.
Our mantra to our 4 children was ” life is difficult” and “life isn’t about you, it is about
others”. We enjoyed each and every year they were in our care and today they are best
friends as well as siblings.
Gardening in pots on the north side of a small, shady porch is extremely difficult. Likewise, parenting children without time, basic needs, and a safe & comfortable environment is going be very challenging.
As educator parents of two daughters in their 30’s (one married and one single) and no grandchildren, children were the focus of our careers. Our daughters appreciate us now, more like they did before middle school. Most parents our age are getting a second chance through grandparenting. If it happens for us, we’ll embrace it. Either way, we’ll continue to try to make a difference for disadvantaged children. This week’s topic on parenting and your videos are a nice compliment to the Netflix documentary we watched last night on the making of ‘We Are the World’ from 1985; “we’ll make a better day, just you and me.”
Our children now range in age from their 40’s to 50’s. When they were young, their dad was in the Navy on a ship. So I had to be the mother/father combo. Then he retired and the children grew up and have families of their own. NOW we aren’t just parents, but dear friends with their spouses and respected by our grands! I love every minute of every visit, phone call, text, email and just thinking about how blessed we have been because we have children.
Good morning S. Melannia, etal,
Holding my babies (2 of them) in my arms all snuggled up against me was an absolute delight,,,,looking at that miniature person with all the finger nails and toenails just as perfect as can be….and looking at the wonder of it all, that I along with their dad was a co-creator of this little being.
Watching my daughter at 18 months old walking down the hallway in her diaper and my high heels …….and hearing the voice of my 2 year old son saying ” that sure looks snazzy mom” as I was looking at the laborious job I had accomplished putting contact paper on a kitchen bulkhead. So many lovely memories that seem to outweigh the tough times…..would I do it again? An unequivical, yes!!
There was never a time in my life when I didn’t want kids…..thank you God that you saw fit to allow my to be a mother….a parent….I certainly wasn’t perfect, but I tried my best.
Both of the videos touched deep emotions within….children who are so vulnerable, but eager to share goodness and our world that is also extremely vulnerable right now….oh that our hearts may be turned from stone to flesh!
Thank you, S. Melannie,
Mary
For me (2 boys, now 56 and 50) it’s amazing to look back at the photos (not on the phone! but in albums) and remember the joys. Usually photos show only good times, so if you need a reminder, go back and look. And — now that they both have wonderful wives and have given us wonderful-er grands –well, what else is left to say. They are all such great gifts in our lives and we are so much richer for having been blessed to raise them and watch them become accomplished adults, spouses and parents.
I agree with Jim. My relationships with my children has given me insight
into the love the creator God has for me.
To love a child is the hardest and most rewarding act.
Coincidentally, I just read your post after finishing what I consider a best book on parenting: Parenting by Holly Taylor Coolman, who is on the faculty of Providence College, a Catholic Dominican college. She presents parenting as the true vocation it is, yet provides practical ideas and perspective. My husband and I are parents to two daughters and one grand-daughter. Now as grandparents, we seem to forget the early parenting challenges, and can revisit the many joys!
Being a parent is the best and most difficult vocation. I would not trade it for anything. We were blessed with two daughters and one son, all grown, loving people. Our son joined the Marine Corp shortly after 9/11. He served our country and thankfully returned home after 2 tours in Iraq. We became a military family because of him. Our oldest daughter joined the Peace Corp and served two years in Morocco. We became a Peace Corp family. Our second daughter has given us two awesome grandchildren.
We are proud grandparents. Our children have taken us on journeys we never could have imagined. How blessed we are.
Thank you Sister for your thought provoking posts. I look forward to them every week.
Good afternoon Sr Melannie! I have no children of my own, but have raised my grandniece and grandnephew since they were toddlers at age 3 and 1 – now 25 and 23. I was a teacher of younger elementary age students and then junior high students. Thought I knew how to be a parent. After a year I apologized to my students’ parents for not really knowing what parenting involved. I agree that raising children was my biggest blessing and also my hardest task in life. God is a good, good God to put up with all the antics of all of us His children.
I read your post today (Tuesday) after having spent the day yesterday with my sister and her family. Joyce was on her deathbed and was still being a goodi mama bear. Making sure both of her girls had made it back from vacations, looking around the room for them (the girls?) several times. She also admonished them to get back to church and not only called out her own girls but several others in the room as well just by looking at them and pointing. Message received! Joyce always showed and gave so much love to her own family as well as others. She was younger than I am but a beautiful example of being a parent from day one to her last breath.
Thank you Sr. Melannie for your blog. Always so much to reflect on and praise God for.
Martha, My deepest sympathy to you on the death of your sister, Joyce. I’m sure all our readers will remember her and your family in prayer… Melannie
It is always a joy to read what you wrote. Sorry about your garden but this sure has been a hot summer.
I loved the pictures of the children and the song on peace brought tears to my eyes. We must all strive for peace especially within ourselves. God. Bless you!
Once again, I am not receiving your blogs. I’ve missed the last three. I’ve been on for 17 or 20+ years. Please try to add me again Hopeful Linda M. 🙏